Our Mother the Matchmaker...

I often times feel sorry for my married siblings. I can't even begin to explain all the fabulous things you have missed out on by getting married at the age of like twelve. So today I will enlighten you on just one of the amazing aspects of single life. You probably never even realized that our Mother is basically a professional matchmaker. Every time I come home she has a new "match" lined up... each one more ridiculous then the last. It can't get worse then last night's match though. Dad and I were quietly working a puzzle when Sue beckoned from the "Christmas Tree Room." She wanted to share a poem with us (ME). Read on...

Uncle Santa

My childhood's great ambition

Was frustrated because

I couldn't get Aunt Mary

To marry Santa Claus.

With Santa for an uncle,

I reckoned to become

The envy of all other kids

Throughout all Christendom.

A story-telling maiden aunt

And dearly loved was she-

A perfect mate for Santa,

But she thought differently!

She said, "He simply will not do.

His beard would make a mess

When he ate soup; and I will not

Endure such sloppiness;

And furthermore, if you don't stop

This wearisome pursuit,

I'll booby-trap the chimney-

I'll fix that darned old coot!"

So Santa's not my uncle.

In fact, as I recall,

He's never shown himself to be

Much kin to me at all,

But, for the youngsters of today

I have some sound advice:

This coming crop of AUNTIES

Thinks beards are very nice.

So one of you might snag him

For an uncle, if you try,

And I sincerely hope that you

Have better luck than I!

-Ruth Van Gorder

SERIOUSLY SUE!! Santa Claus?? Really?? I mean besides the obvious age difference, he is unemployed 11 months out of the year. I don't really think I would enjoy living in the North Pole and I don't have a lot of red in my wardrobe. The only thing we have going is that I like to receive presents and he likes to give. Besides he already married a spinstery, old schoolmarm and I am not a homewrecker! Really I don't want to discourage the rest of you though... maybe you have a much older man or the Easter Bunny you want to introduce me to.